evilwizard:

me: *covered in scratch marks* i am still a powerful and respectable wizard, you know

my imp krongus: *doubtfully* yes, my lord

me: i did eventually kill the mouse with a needle for a sword

krongus: it’s just that it was so close, my lord

oneheadtoanother:

gravecats:

This is literally my favorite tweet of all time. It’s so powerful.

She Freaken Forgor Me

medievalthymes:

you’re laughing. i told you i loved you against my better judgment, my family’s expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance, and you’re laughing.

orange-catsidy:

lavosse:

they would NOT fucking have communication skills that good

peachsnout:

Grandma poison water SNAPPED

zagreus:

cackling at this, can NOT believe it’s a real, actual quote. it reads so much like one of those clickhole pieces

sketiana:

sketiana:

the BEST THING about America is that one of their timezones is called mountain time. i cannot tell you how funny that is to me. it sure is always time for mountains in one fourth of america

¼ of you guys live like this

lysphage:

My bad. I was looking for a stupid job that didn’t mean anything where I didn’t have to do stuff. Sorry, I guess.

if-only-angels-could-prevail:

me when i was previously the prince of shame and secrets but then i change my mind